Where I’ve been & where I’m going. Life update.

As I sit here writing this, I think there’s a piece of me that’s still in shock.

I’m in shock that someone I thought I knew and loved was/is capable of lying and cheating to the degree he did.

I’m in shock that the person I thought I was is now gone. The naive, trusting and comfortable Madi is dead (as T Swift would say).

I’m in shock.

If you’re not in my innermost circle you may have no idea what I’m talking about, or better yet, you may have no idea to whom I’m even referring. You won’t find his pictures on my social media, because on top of everything else he logged into my private accounts and deleted pictures, people and personal memories.

This post wasn’t written with the intent to blast anyone or air my dirty laundry. If you want the full effect, feel free to play Taylor Swift’s new song while reading along.

Long story short, I chose to end our relationship right before my trip to Iceland due to being on different pages. I then woke up a week later to find my boyfriend of almost 3 years had been living a double life for the past year (possibly longer?). He had me in Orlando and another girl in his hometown. Although we had already ended things, this information still hit me equally as hard. Having one girlfriend is a LOT of work, so I’m not sure how he had the energy to have two, gotta give him props on that one. When you’re the one who’s been deceived it’s natural to stop and think, “what did I do wrong?” or “why did this happen to me?” I’ll be honest, those thoughts went through my head for one whole minute before I stopped and realized, I didn’t do anything wrong here. He didn’t do this because I wasn’t enough, he did this because he has issues. So many girls blame themselves when they go through similar situations and that’s why I’m writing this post, to help any girls asking themselves those questions or feeling lost and unsure of where to go next.

What I did next:

Family. I’m lucky enough to have a mom that doubles as my BFF and have parents that love me, but most importantly understand me more than anyone else. They’ve been my rocks.

Friends. I immediately picked up my phone and started calling my people. Seriously, there’s something to be said about having friends who would kill for you. I was surrounded by girls who were just as angry, if not more, than I was. My friends sent flowers, came over with wine and continued to show me their love and support in more ways than I could’ve ever imagined. I told my mom last night over a glass of wine, one of the most positive takeaways from this experience is seeing how loved I am by SO many people!

GET AWAY. I found out on a Monday. By Wednesday afternoon I was booked on a flight to California to stay with my extended family and one of my oldest friends. I wasn’t running away, but I was clearing my head. Sometimes a change of scenery can let you step back and see things from a different perspective. Also, my family lives on the beach and nothing is more therapeutic than having morning coffee while overlooking the ocean.

Make a game plan. I knew if I sat around and wallowed I’d wake up in two weeks in the same exact spot. Orlando is wonderful and it’ll always be my home, but I want/NEED to experience new people and places, that’s why I’ve chosen to pack up and move to Washington, D.C. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect for this new adventure. My little brother had just accepted a job there and originally planned to live with another guy, but things fell through and he ended up needing a new roommate. Sometimes life has a funny way of laying things out for you. This Sunday I’m booked on a one-way ticket to the city where I’ll live in the cutest two bedroom apartment with my brother.

Exercise. I’ve always loved my daily workouts, but now more than ever they are my saving grace. If I’m feeling anxious I hop on the treadmill and run until I’ve sweat out all my worries.

It’s been a week and a half since everything changed, but I’m seeing things more clearly now and I truly believe everything has changed for the better. I learned a life lesson the hard way, but I learned it. Going into my next relationship I can bring this with me, not as baggage, but as a bonus. Before this week I never had honesty as a top 5 on my checklist. It wasn’t that I didn’t want someone honest, I just assumed most people were. The next person I date will be seen through my new eyes and I know that I will find someone who allows me to be trusting again.

Cheers to new adventures and being a stronger Madi.

When life hands you lemons, slice them up and add them to your sweet tea…. or champagne 😉